A Birth Story: Alicia A.
Every birth story that I have had the honor and privilege to take part in has a special and permanent place in my heart, and this story has touched me in a very unique way. COVID19 has taken a lot from our society, and a whole lot away from growing families; isolating them in a time where support and community are so incredibly instrumental.
This birth was the first one I was able to attend in person at a hospital since restrictions were placed four months ago. That’s four months of women having to choose between their husbands, mothers, and other close family and friends to come with them to their labors. No birth photographers, and yes, no doulas. I share this story, with Alicia’s permission, in hopes that it can touch your heart as well, maybe enough enough to help us take action.
KCWM is partnering with DGKC to start a grassroots movement to get doulas back into hospitals. With the uptick in cases, hospitals have started to put their restrictions on support people back in place. If you support doulas as essential to birthing people, sign our petition here!
On July 7th of 2020, Alicia and Brandon get ready for what they believed was going to be a routine prenatal appointment and ultrasound, Alicia planning to relax and have a nice meal when they came home. Little did they know, when they next left the hospital they would be holding their little girl in their arms!
During their appointment, Alicia and Brandon learned that they had more amniotic fluid than their doctor was comfortable with and then Mercy Lee didn’t pass the breathing test. They decided to induce labor, and while they knew inductions could be a long process, they were willing to take the hard path to keep their precious baby girl safe! They settled into the hospital room and started the induction with a cervix strip at 2:30pm, Alicia eating the last solid food she would have before giving birth, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
They passed the time talking to friends, family, and KCWM doula team on their phones, keeping everyone updated about their progress. The induction continued into the night. Alicia was given pitocin with morphine for her contractions and then an epidural when the morphine failed at 4am. The epidural had to be reset later in the morning as it only numbed her right side. She began to work with her doulas to get a member of her doula team allowed into the hospital at 7:30am. 2020 has been a crazy year, with a global pandemic causing strict restrictions on who could and could not come into labor and delivery rooms at hospitals. After many phone calls by all of the members of Alicia’s KCWM doula team, avocation by Alicia and Brandon to the nurses in person, and having her certifications checked by the L&D Nurses and some administration, Kristen Mason was able to come support Alicia and Brandon at 9:30am.
After talking about how Alicia was feeling, how her labor was progressing, and answering some questions, Kristen turned her computer to a video of ocean waves, lulling both Alicia and Brandon to some well deserved sleep. At 10:30am, nurses Sarah and Erin came to flip Alicia onto her right side and talk about placing a foley to help Alicia dilate. By this time, Alicia was starving. That peanut butter sandwich was a full night away in her past and it was well into midmorning. She asked if the induction could be paused so she could have a meal and the nurses stepped out to check.
They came back a few minutes later with the news that, because this was a medically necessitated induction, the doctor strongly recommended not pausing the induction. Alicia consented to the foley and Sarah tried to distract her while it was being inserted by asking her what flavor of Popsicle she would like. “Grape!” Alicia gritted between set teeth, gently holding Brandon and Kristen’s hands with practiced relaxation. By 11am the foley was set, the Popsicle halfway eaten, and Alicia had been massaged and lulled back to sleep listening to the waves.
At 11:30am Alicia awoke with a gasp. “I felt a pop, I think my water broke!” The nurses were called, they confirmed her water had broken, and discovered that the foley had fallen out on its own. Alicia was dilated to a 3 and progress was being made! The doctor was called in and she decided that not enough water had drained out to make her feel comfortable. Worried that the cord may prolapse if Mercy was left to float in the excess water, she proposed manually draining the rest of Alicia’s waters. Brandon held Alicia’s hand while her waters were drained, telling her it was okay to squeeze his hand.
“Squeeze my hand, transfer your pain to me, I can take it.”
The doctor then wanted to switch from an external monitoring device to keep track of Alicia’s contractions to an internal device. Nurse Sarah showed Alicia the device, explaining how it would work, and then the doctor set it. Alicia settled down to watch Cinderella while Brandon answered questions from their excited family, eager for more news about Alicia’s labor.
They continued to pass the time, switching from one side to the other with the peanut ball holding Alicia’s pelvis open. Brandon held Alicia’s hand, rubbing ice chips on her lips, while Kristen switched off massaging her hands, feet, hips, back, and legs and applying counter pressure for the contractions. They talked about what Mercy would look like. Would she have Brandon’s nose? Alicia’s hair? Brandon laughed as he declared Mercy would have Alicia’s attitude. “We already know she does. In the ultrasound the nurse wanted her to do one thing, and she was like no and just turned away to do her own thing. She’s got her mama’s attitude for sure!”
Alicia had the muscle control of a champion. While epidurals can take away the sharp pains of labor, they don’t touch the pressure of contractions, and the pressure of induced contractions can be overwhelming. Alicia closed her eyes with each contraction, forcing her muscles to relax as Kristen walked her through medication and imagining Mercy. She even cracked a small smile when Kristen started describing taking Mercy on a walk in the park, with soft baby giggles at trees waving in the wind and the sounds of birds singing.
“What’s the first thing you are going to do when you take Mercy home?” Kristen asked Alicia when a contraction started building. “I’m just going to look at her” Alicia answered without hesitation.
“What’s one fun thing you look forward to doing with your baby?” Kristen asked right before another contraction. “Singing to her.” Alicia answered, preparing her mind to relax her body. “What will you sing? Disney songs?” Kristen asked, thinking about how Alicia had chosen to watch Cinderella. “Everything. I like to make up songs, just sing what pops into my head.” Alicia answered. “That’s beautiful,” Kristen smiled, beginning to apply pressure to Alicia’s left hip as the contraction started to reach peak.
The nursing staff continued to come into the room every thirty minutes to an hour to flip Alicia and turn down her pitocin as her contractions got closer and closer together. Brandon changed the playlist from ocean waves to music, blasting Ari Lennox through the birth space. At 5:30pm they turned the pitocin off completely. They did a cervical check and announced that Alicia was 90% thinned and 3.5cm dilated. Kristen explained that this was good news. “Dilation happens in its own time, sometimes going very slowly and sometimes incredibly quickly. Thinning is what generally takes a long time. This is very good progress!”
And sure enough, only an hour later Alicia had progressed to 7.5cm, and by 7pm she was a 9 and began to feel the need to push. Shift change brought the night nurse, Brittany, and a new doctor. The room began to fill with staff setting up the birth table while Nurse Brittany began practice pushes with Alicia.
“Curl yourself around your baby while you push,” Brittany explained.
“Pull against us,” Kristen said, offering her hands on Alicia’s left while Brandon offered his on her right.
With each contraction, Alicia pushed as hard as she could while holding her breath, pulling against Brandon and Kristen while the whole room cheered her on and counted to 10.
“You’ve got this!”
“You are so strong!”
“Yes Queen!”
“You ready for that thick steak?” That last one was Brandon. Some solid encouragement when you haven’t eaten anything for over 24hrs.
“Brandon, look!” Kristen pointed with her head, still holding Alicia’s hand in both of her own. “You can see her hair!” Brandon’s eyes popped wide when he saw his daughter’s hair for the first time.
“You can see her hair!” He cried! “There she is! Mercy Lee is here!”
“Do you want to touch her head?” the doctor asked Alicia. Alicia nodded, breathing deeply between her contractions. The doctor guided her hand to Mercy’s head, and a smile bloomed on Alicia’s face. “There she is,” Alicia breathed. The doctor laughed, “let us know when another contraction starts”
A few more pushes later, and Mercy Lee was born at 8:23pm into Alicia’s loving arms.
The new parents stared at their beautiful baby girl, telling her how much they loved her and welcoming her into their world. “Hi, Hi, Mercy. It’s mama,” Alicia cooed “I love you.” After a few minutes of the family meeting each other, Kristen suggested they try breastfeeding. Mercy began to try to lift her head, sticking her tongue out and wrapping her arms around Alicia’s breast. “She’s telling you this is hers now.” Joked Kristen. Within 15 minutes of birth, Mercy had latched and taken some small sucks, though not enough to get milk, a very good sign that she was healthy and alert.
“Brandon, would you like to do some skin to skin while Alicia eats?” Kristen asked. Brandon quickly took off his shirt, taking Mercy Lee into his arms for the first time. He sat on the couch, just holding her, then turned to his phone and began to play “I Just Love Looking At You,” singing along to the lyrics. He continued to pick more songs about love, and began to cry with love and joy at his beautiful family.
I don’t normally do this, as I strongly believe that person giving birth is the front and center of the birth story and a doula should be actively supporting but in the background as far as attention goes, but with everything going on I’m going to include a conversation I had with Alicia before going home. After the birth, while Brandon was serenading Mercy and Alicia was enjoying her long-awaited sandwich, she turned to me and said '“I am so grateful for the support I got from Rachel’s House and from the Women’s Ministry. I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to get you here, but I am so glad you were able to. I couldn’t have done this without you. No way,” she stated as simple fact, shaking her head. “I don’t want to know what it would have been like trying to do this without you.”
And readers, I would be lying if I told you I didn’t have to fight tears in that moment. I closed my eyes for a second, to ground myself, and instead saw the faces of my clients that could not say the same thing. My clients that do know what it is like to “try to do this” without me there to support them. And I was overwhelmed with my sadness. Now, let me be very clear, I do not see myself as a savior of laboring women. I do not think that the birth stories of the mothers who had to go it alone or with a single support person hinged on me personally attending their births, but let me explain.
Doulas are essential. I had spent the last tweleve hours providing counter pressure during contractions and massaging Alicia’s hands, feet, legs, back, and head between them. I taught Brandon how to push fluid out of Alicia’s hands and feet as fluid from her over 24hr induction was (and did) going to continually swell them. I was able to explain how the cervix thins and softens, not just dilating. I was there to say '“90% thinned is great progress!” instead of them fixating on the 3.5cm dilated. Turning what could have been seen as bad news to a small celebration. I used several different empowerment and distraction techniques to help her get through the contractions to see which worked best for her.
Doulas are essential. Studies have shown the constant support provided by doulas make labors shorter, less painful, and make members of the birth team more likely to see the birth as a positive experience. See my “FAQ-Why Use A Doula?” Page for more info. We do this by putting our client’s rights at the first and foremost, by insisting that her decisions are informed, not coerced, and final. My client is in the drivers seat of her own birth. Feeling in control of your circumstances is so incredibly important, putting the mother into the parasympathetic nervous system and allowing her body to release laboring hormones instead of the fight or flight hormones of the sympathetic nervous system.
Doulas are essential. We respect our client’s autonomy and the person-hood of every member of the birth team. I made sure Brandon was rested, hydrated, and took time to eat (outside of the birth space, no need to torture Alicia). I answered questions, such as “we haven’t made progress in a few hours, what are they going to come in here wanting to do next?”, giving them precious time to talk about what they wanted BEFORE the decision had to be made. I was able to tell them about the pros and cons of having water manually broken, cervical checks, and internal monitoring, before the nurses even brought them up. I did this without pressure, without bias, and striving to keep my opinion out of my facts and voice as much as humanly possible. When they made decisions I didn’t agree with, I supported those decisions without pause. Because a doula is never in the driver’s seat and I will never let my voice be heard over that of my client’s.
Doulas. Are. Essential. I have the voices and faces of clients who had similar births but did not get this support and left feeling unheard and small. I held them as they cried tears of mourning over decisions that were made FOR THEM without a person to turn and ask “Is that okay?” “Do you need a moment to absorb everything your doctor just told you?” “Are you alright to be touched right now?”. Women are having to learn what it is like to give birth by themselves or with a single support person that knows nothing about labor or advocacy every day during this pandemic, and this is wrong.
If you agree, please take a moment to sign our petition.
If this spoke to you, we need our voices heard.
As always, thank you so much for reading and God Bless!
