Inside Look: Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts by Karen Kleiman
Book Review:
Length: Short, Storybook Style
Topics: Maternal Mental Health and Postpartum Mood Disorders
Status: Currently Available
In honor of Maternal Mental Health Awareness Week, I wanted to take a moment to highlight an AMAZING book, all about maternal mental health, “Good Moms Have scary Thoughts: A Healing Guide to the Secret Fears of New Mothers”! Over 90% of new moms experience intrusive, scary thoughts about their babies. Are you surprised by that number? Many people are! It simply isn’t something that we as a society have normalized. In fact, I would venture to argue (and I bet other postpartum birth workers would agree!) that we have normalized the opposite view, that new mothers should be over the moon in love with their lives at all times. And if you aren’t? Well, then you just gotta fake it ‘til you make it!
I personally dealt with this after my first pregnancy. I felt like I couldn’t ask for help because I was supposed to be happy. Something must have been wrong with me and it scared me. Everyone else from my birthing class looked like they were doing so well! My sister was a mother of two under two and she, as far as I could tell, was rocking and loving every minute of it! Little did I know, she was struggling too (and had the same impression of me that I had of her!) What a missed opportunity for bonding as both sisters and mothers! Instead, I spent months lying in my bed, not even bothering to get dressed or eat until my husband texted he was coming home from work. I would scroll my (lying!) social media filled with pictures of happy mothers and their adorable infants wrapped in bows and think “Who has the energy to do that? I’m just such a bad mom”.
But if anybody asked, I was doing great! My baby was just so easy! Oh, breastfeeding is the best (you’re supposed to bleed with every latch and be in incredible pain all day, right?). I honestly believed that motherhood was pain and other women were just stronger than I was. How was I supposed to know any differently? The fear of being seen as a bad mom kept me from reaching out for the help that I desperately needed. That’s why I love this book so much. It opens the conversation for maternal mental health and allows parents to be open about their struggles. The more we can talk about the scary thoughts that nearly all new mothers have, the more we can normalize and support people experiencing them! Parents can flip through the book, read the conversations and thoughts depicted in the illustrations, and feel that sense of community that is so important to mental healing. You are not alone.
Sometimes, parents need help. And that is okay! Finding community to vent to, or talking to a therapist, does not make you a bad mom! Reaching out for help takes strength. Humans are social creatures, we are supposed to do life together! Motherhood doesn’t suddenly negate your need for support - it increases it! Being honest about the sometimes hard and scary thoughts that almost all parents have is an incredible step towards normalizing the true image of parenthood!
Author Karen Kleiman offers suggestions on how to find healing on nearly every page. She encourages giving yourself grace with your thoughts and resting in your own mind as a good mom if you have the mental space to do so! She also has tips for asking for help and adds great resources for where to find help towards the end of her book.
As always, thanks for reading and God Bless!
Read more about Karen Kleiman and her work here!
All of the illustrations used in this blog can be found in “Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts” with illustrations done by Molly Mcintyer